I was completely caught off guard when surfing the Internet tonight. I was on the Pro-Life Radio site and the headline about George Tiller’s murder flashed across the home page.

It’s interesting, I have such incredibly mixed feelings about this. I strangely feel saddened by his death. I guess that’s the true pro-lifer in me. Although I obviously disagree with the decisions that Mr. Tiller made in his life and the things that he did, I don’t believe that any human being deserves to be gunned down and murdered.

I haven’t thought about the abortionist who performed my biological mother’s abortion for a long time, and Mr. Tiller’s death has me thinking about that doctor tonight. I wonder if that abortionist knew right away that I had lived, or if others stepped in to save me? I wonder if my survival had any impact, if any, on their decision to continue to perform abortions? I wonder, if they are still alive today, if they’ve seen any of my information and have any inkling that I am the child that they failed to kill?

When I was younger, I used to envision that the abortionist had a change of heart at the last minute, saw that I was alive, and was part of the group of people that saved my life. As I have gotten older, this little fantasy of mine seems incredibly far-fetched, but I guess I will never truly know about how the abortion came about and the abortionist who carried it out.

What I do know, in my heart, is that no matter what that abortionist did or did not do for me that fateful day in 1977, I forgive them for what they did; it is not my place to be their judge and jury and I will leave that in the hands of God. And what I also know is that despite their attempt to end my life, that abortionist, just like George Tiller, would not deserve to be gunned down and murdered. Although I can certainly understand the passion that drives some people to take things into their own hands, and end the destruction that someone is causing, it is so contradictory as a pro-lifer to take that offending person’s life. And unfortunately, it is such instances as George Tiller’s murder that often reflect poorly on the pro-life movement. Instead of focusing on the facts of abortion and the important testimonies of those that have been harmed by it, such as myself, pro-lifers often all get labeled as domestic terrorists, anti-choice misfits, and the like.

May Mr. Tiller rest in peace, although his name will live on in infamy, and may the pro-life movement not have its’ eye blackened by his murder.