January 19, 2008

Tonight we ran through our speeches at the FFL offices, in preparation for tomorrow. Not only was it wonderful to see everyone from FFL and the other College Outreach Speakers, but it was wonderful to find out that I am one of three women that are also now pregnant. I must admit, it’s nice to finally be part of the “big girls” group, and have stories to swap, hopes and dreams to share. Once again, I am acutely aware that I had NO IDEA what a huge influence pregnancy and child-birth has on someone, personally, until it happened to me.

Although I memorized my speech last night, I read through it off of the paper tonight. Once again, I struggled emotionally to get through it. Maybe it was all of the pregnancy hormones in the room, but when I got to the part of my speech where I reflect on the fact that if my mother’s abortion attempt would have been successful, I never would have met my husband, and never would have had the opportunity to look forward to the impending birth of our daughter in April, I got terribly choked up. It seems like what I can handle, on the surface, as being very matter of fact, having survived what was meant to be a lethal attempt on my life, having not been meant to marry, become a mom myself, deep down inside, is really not a matter of fact. It is much more painful for me to bear than what I often care to admit. The women that I have connected with in FFL can see through the transparency of my matter of factness, and can understand, through their own experiences, how painful the reality of abortion is.